Freedom-Fighters Forum

By William J. Dell – May 1993

There was once a farmer by the name of Brown who had a very fine team of Belgium horses, Jack and Jill. His neighbor was always trying to buy Jack, but farmer Brown resisted always stating as a reason, “They’re a matched team. You don’t break up a team. Don’t you understand that”.

Teams are very important. If each member of the team pulls their fair share of the load great deeds can be accomplished. On the other hand, if a team is not matched and one pulls harder than the other, they can work at cross purposes and usually nothing gets accomplished. So it is with husbands and wives for they are probably the most important of teams. They should always pull together for the family.

Traditionally, the roles of this team were well defined. The husband was the provider and protector of the family. The wife was the care giver and nurturer of the family. These roles of the team though very different were in all respects equally important. They provided balance in the family as all areas of concern were provided for. During this era mankind honored and respected womankind. During this era little was ever heard of spouse abuse, child abuse, or violent crime against women and children outside of the ravishes of war. During this era women, wife or stranger, were protected, in general, my men whether husband or stranger.

The past thirty years however, have brought a different definition to this traditional and divinely assigned team. During this period, we have seen an increase in single parent families, increased juvenile delinquency, increase in teen suicide and substance abuse. Destruction of the family with its traditional roles has proven an effective tool in Satan’s hands of bringing misery to our Christian Nation.

Now this writer is not opposed to working mothers. Sometimes there is no other option because the mother is the only parent in the home. Or perhaps she is helping her husband finish his education so he can better provide for their family. I do believe however, that whenever possible a family should live within the father’s means and mother remain home to nurture the family, once there are children, until the last child finishes high school. During the first ten years of this time, mother should foster and nourish a relationship of true friendship. A friendship that is open and without condemnation. A friendship that will allow a child to confide and learn without fear. A friendship built on trust and love. It is this friendship that will provide their brood the anchor necessary to get them through the turbulent teenage experience.

Now fathers, unless you begin to believe otherwise, you also have a responsibility to nurture your relationship with your children. As you will have less time to do this you must increase the quality of that time. Each child needs to know that there are special times when they do not have to compete for your attention. You have a responsibility to schedule your time for one-on-one experiences with your children. They need to know, just as surely, that you also love them and can provide a foundation of principles and sound, wise counsel. You also need to be mindful that they have their agency and allow them to apply or reject your counsel. A father is first, last, and always a shepherd and a shepherd never drives his sheep. A shepherd leads his sheep and they willingly follow. A sheepherder drives his sheep. So fathers be shepherds not sheepherders.

Now, it is the nineties. And for whatever reasons, it seems that young couples have to have it all, fancy cars, stereos, plush homes and all the furnishings. They seemingly have no patience to wait for everything their parents have acquired through years of toil. To do this often takes both husband and wife working outside the home to provide these “WANTS”, NOT NEEDS, for their family. Although women have adapted to this new turn of events gladly shouldering this additional burden, a majority of men have not. Most men accept that their wives should share in the providing for the “WANTS” of their family while they still expected mother to be the sole nurturer and care-giver at home.

In the nineties as in the past marriage is a partnership with shared responsibilities. These responsibilities may be defined traditionally or they may, by mutual agreement, be given a new definition. A definition for the nineties where there is not man’s work and woman’s work – only a new definition of team work. A definition that will require you husbands to wash dishes and perhaps do the laundry. A definition that may require you to prepare dinner for the family and a wife who will be coming home after you. A definition that may require you to drop or pick up from the day care your small children. A definition that may require you to modify your association with friends and take time from the things you want to do so you can share in the in-home responsibilities and care for your family and their needs.

It is the view of this Patriarch, that if a man expects his wife to perform a portion of his traditional responsibilities, he should be willing to perform an equal portion of hers. If this is not the case the team become unequally yoked together.

Further, this Patriarch believes that serious reflective consideration should be given before adopting this new definition. And, that if it is adopted, a return to traditional roles should be sought after as soon as possible. I believe this needs to be the case because it is my view that the most children pay a terrible price for mother not being in the home. A loving Heavenly Father defined these roles in the Garden of Eden and I, for one, still believe He is wiser than the world and I know that He is wiser than I am. So if you decide you must live beyond the husband’s means and adopt a plan other than His please do so prayerfully. Perhaps if you ask Him, He may provide you a different way to obtain your goal.